I Wake Up Streaming: November 2021
Movies
Our usual “I Wake Up Streaming” columnist William Boyle is in France (again!) to promote his new book. Please welcome back guest columnist Jack Pendarvis. The column’s name is a play on the 1941 film I Wake Up Screaming, starring Betty Grable, Victor Mature, and Carole Landis. While the film’s title hits a pleasing note of terror and despair, changing that one letter speaks to the joy of discovering new films and rediscovering old favorites, as well as the panic that comes with being overwhelmed by options.
Hi, it’s me again, the dude who takes over Bill’s column whenever he goes to France. That gives me an idea, because I’m quite lazy and suggestible: let’s start with a French movie.
Irma Vep (HBO Max)
The first time I saw this movie, my wife was the projectionist. She projected the hell out of it! That was back in the days of the big film cans. You’re not going to see it projected like that anymore, but you can stream it on HBO Max. (Right now, I am working on a show for HBO Max, but you can tell I’m not beholden to them because I just insulted the entire process of streaming.) Irma Vep is a laid-back examination of the joys, frustrations, and melancholy of being creative for a living. Back in 1996, I was like, “Oh my God! Is that my favorite actor, Jean-Pierre Léaud? What the hell happened to him? He looks like a fallen soufflé!” Then I took a breath. “Why, God?” I continued. “Why must all humankind descend at last to such humiliating decay and wreckage?” Today when I watch Irma Vep, I’m like, “He looks fine.” Here’s one easy trick for gaining perspective: get twenty-five years older.
Contempt (Criterion Channel)
Hey, it’s another French movie. But that’s not why I thought of it. I thought of it because Jack Palance hoists some of those big film cans and hurls them around. I guess our theme is big film cans! For a while, I sat there thinking, Jerry Lewis should have played this part. But when Jack Palance started chucking film cans, I had to admit that no one could do it better. If you want to see Jack Palance execute a terrifying whirl of viciousness and send some big film cans flying, this is the movie for you. That’s our second French movie about filmmaking. Maybe we can move on. Wait, no. Irma Vep features Maggie Cheung as herself and Contempt features Fritz Lang as himself. Okay, I’m out.
G.I. Blues (Prime Video)
This movie isn’t great, but what do you care? I said they were streaming, I didn’t say they were great. I really wanted to tell you about the Elvis movie Follow That Dream, but you can’t stream it anywhere without paying extra. Follow That Dream is about happy-go-lucky socialist hoboes who take over a public park. Elvis plays a shirtless slab of beefcake without a thought in his head—a hot Forrest Gump, if you will. In G.I. Blues, on the other hand, Elvis is just some guy named Tulsa. One night he’s singing in a nightclub to the delight of all but one surly patron. In protest of Tulsa’s saccharine ballad, this brash and discourteous fellow drops a coin in the jukebox and plays the clearly labeled 45 “Blue Suede Shoes.” Artist’s name? Elvis Presley. So, here is the fake Elvis meeting the real Elvis. The real Elvis wins, as the rock-and-roll rhythms of “Blue Suede Shoes” cause a riot that brings the unfortunate Tulsa’s concert to a conclusion. There’s a lesson in that. In a strange way (and here’s the connection), Elvis briefly plays himself, and defeats himself, in G.I. Blues.
That Thing You Do! (Hulu)
This is one of the movies that I stop and watch when they happen to appear, no matter how much I’ve missed. That Thing You Do! makes me feel good. A friend complained that they play the title song too often, but I wish they played it more. I also like the part where Liv Tyler says she’s sorry for kissing a jerk so much. Written and directed by Tom Hanks, so there’s a connection, because I just mentioned Forrest Gump. Also, music. Steve Zahn is the Elvis of character actors. The other movie I stop and watch whenever it’s on is Bonjour Tristesse, which happens to be streaming now on the Criterion Channel. It’s not very much like That Thing You Do!
Love Hard (Netflix)
For our final selection, I decided to ask myself what Bill would never put in his movie column in a thousand years. “What are you watching?” asked Theresa, the projectionist to whom allusion is made above. “Why, Love Hard, of course,” I replied. Theresa inquired humorously about its pornographic content. I demurred, replying that the title reminded me of both Die Hard and Walk Hard, neither of which is a romantic comedy staple. “Maybe it’s like Die Hard, except with love,” I postulated. I was wrong, though discussion of the film Die Hard is somewhat crucial to the plot of Love Hard. It is not even a tiny exaggeration to state that Love Hard seems to have been written by a machine. That’s a compliment! Hell, I wish a machine were writing this right now. My friend Julia says (I paraphrase) that she loves watching romantic comedies because she knows everything is going to be all right at the end. Love Hard has everything you expect from the genre: Christmas, wacky misunderstandings, and I guess that’s about it. Oh! I was happy to discover that the foul-mouthed granny is still considered a viable trope. At the end, of course, we get director and writer credits, and then a surprise epilogue, at the conclusion of which appear those magic words that warm the hearts of young lovers everywhere: “Produced by McG.” And it is with those very words I leave you until Bill’s safe return.
Jack Pendarvis’s new novel Sweet Bananas is available in a limited edition from Hingston & Olsen.
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